"ある人がたった一人の他人を愛し、他のすべての人々に無関心であるならば、その愛は愛ではなく、共生的な執着か拡大された利己主義にすぎない。"
Quote meaning
When someone loves just one person while ignoring everyone else, that isn’t really love—it’s more like a dependency or just a way to feel good about themselves. Think about it. Real love is about empathy and connection with others. Love shouldn't be confined to just one person and exclude everyone else. If it is, you might be more attached to the idea of that person making you feel special rather than genuinely caring for them or others.
This idea was expressed by Erich Fromm, a renowned social psychologist and humanistic philosopher, in his book "The Art of Loving," published in 1956. After World War II, society was grappling with understanding human relationships and the nature of love. Fromm's insights were an attempt to dissect these complex emotions and offer a more holistic view of what it means to love authentically.
Imagine a parent who showers their only child with love and devotion but treats everyone else, including their spouse and friends, with indifference or even hostility. At first glance, it might seem like the parent is simply very dedicated to their child. But dig a little deeper. This kind of love is restrictive and ultimately self-serving. The parent might be using their child to fulfill their own need for significance and to feel loved, rather than genuinely nurturing the child’s development and well-being. It’s not about the child or others around—it’s about the parent’s own emotional needs.
To truly embrace this wisdom, start by expanding your circle of compassion. It’s not enough to pour all your love into one person while neglecting others. Try to cultivate kindness and empathy toward everyone you interact with, even strangers. Small acts of kindness—like helping a neighbor with their groceries or simply listening to a friend in need—can broaden your capacity for genuine love. It’s about being present and attentive to the world around you, not just your immediate bubble.
Let's consider a story. Imagine you're working in an office, and you have a colleague, Sarah, who is extremely devoted to her partner. Every conversation circles back to him—how great he is, the amazing things he does, and so on. Yet, Sarah is indifferent or even dismissive toward her coworkers. If someone needs help or a bit of encouragement, she’s nowhere to be found. One day, there’s an office crisis, and everyone needs to pitch in to solve the problem. Sarah, focused solely on her partner and indifferent to her colleagues’ struggles, doesn't contribute. This creates tension and reveals that her so-called love is limiting—it's not extending to the community around her.
You don’t want to be Sarah. To apply this wisdom, make an effort to recognize the humanity in everyone you meet. Start small. Maybe strike up a conversation with the barista who makes your coffee or genuinely ask your coworker how their weekend was and really listen to their response. These small steps can help you develop a more inclusive sense of love and connection.
In the end, love isn’t about possession or exclusivity—it's about connection and empathy that extends beyond just one person. When we open our hearts to others, we find that our capacity to love grows and enriches not just our lives but the lives of everyone around us. Think of love as a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Let’s train it well.
This idea was expressed by Erich Fromm, a renowned social psychologist and humanistic philosopher, in his book "The Art of Loving," published in 1956. After World War II, society was grappling with understanding human relationships and the nature of love. Fromm's insights were an attempt to dissect these complex emotions and offer a more holistic view of what it means to love authentically.
Imagine a parent who showers their only child with love and devotion but treats everyone else, including their spouse and friends, with indifference or even hostility. At first glance, it might seem like the parent is simply very dedicated to their child. But dig a little deeper. This kind of love is restrictive and ultimately self-serving. The parent might be using their child to fulfill their own need for significance and to feel loved, rather than genuinely nurturing the child’s development and well-being. It’s not about the child or others around—it’s about the parent’s own emotional needs.
To truly embrace this wisdom, start by expanding your circle of compassion. It’s not enough to pour all your love into one person while neglecting others. Try to cultivate kindness and empathy toward everyone you interact with, even strangers. Small acts of kindness—like helping a neighbor with their groceries or simply listening to a friend in need—can broaden your capacity for genuine love. It’s about being present and attentive to the world around you, not just your immediate bubble.
Let's consider a story. Imagine you're working in an office, and you have a colleague, Sarah, who is extremely devoted to her partner. Every conversation circles back to him—how great he is, the amazing things he does, and so on. Yet, Sarah is indifferent or even dismissive toward her coworkers. If someone needs help or a bit of encouragement, she’s nowhere to be found. One day, there’s an office crisis, and everyone needs to pitch in to solve the problem. Sarah, focused solely on her partner and indifferent to her colleagues’ struggles, doesn't contribute. This creates tension and reveals that her so-called love is limiting—it's not extending to the community around her.
You don’t want to be Sarah. To apply this wisdom, make an effort to recognize the humanity in everyone you meet. Start small. Maybe strike up a conversation with the barista who makes your coffee or genuinely ask your coworker how their weekend was and really listen to their response. These small steps can help you develop a more inclusive sense of love and connection.
In the end, love isn’t about possession or exclusivity—it's about connection and empathy that extends beyond just one person. When we open our hearts to others, we find that our capacity to love grows and enriches not just our lives but the lives of everyone around us. Think of love as a muscle—the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. Let’s train it well.
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