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If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging the tunnel.

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Translations

“The best way to lose an election is to tell the voters your plans.”

Stephen Colbert

“Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.”

“Reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

“I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart.”

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