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Sarcasm Quotes

"Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes"

"I drink to make other people more interesting"

"The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard."

"There’s certain players that I’ve made cry. If I can make you cry by being sarcastic, then I really don’t want to play with you in the playoffs."

"I would only call someone an idiot if people were mistakenly under the impression that the person was smart."

"Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast."

"If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging the tunnel."

"A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we."

"Housework, if you do it right, will kill you."

"Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

"Oh, hello, I know right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?"

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