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Dark humor Quotes

"I’m just a bad guy who gets paid to f*** up worse guys."

"I ain't gonna kill him. I'm just gonna take a foot off him. A man can work with one foot"

"Nothing is funnier than unhappiness."

"I carry death in my left pocket. Sometimes I take it out and talk to it. I say, Hello, baby, how you doing? When you coming for me? I’ll be ready."

"The funniest things are forbidden."

"If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance."

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin"

"I hate to advocate drugs alcohol violence or insanity to anyone but they’ve always worked for me"

"Sometimes the funniest thing to say is mean."

"I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot"

"I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim"

"If you were going to shoot a mime would you use a silencer"

"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A Death. What’s that, a bonus?"

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"

"I'm Irish. I think about death all the time."

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