George Carlin Quotes

Biography: George Carlin was known for his groundbreaking stand-up comedy and soc... more Biography: George Carlin was known for his groundbreaking stand-up comedy and social critical commentary. Born in 1937, Carlin's incisive humor addressed taboo subjects, pushing boundaries with his famous "Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television" routine. He was a prolific performer, author, and actor until his death in 2008. less

"The reason I don’t spend much time planning or worrying is because it's like trying to kill a fly with a sledgehammer.""There’s a big difference between kneeling down and bending over.""The greatest crimes in the world are not committed by people breaking the rules but by people following the rules.""Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider. That's scary.""I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.""I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade""Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important ""People who say "life is short" have no idea how long ""Think off-center.""The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not commit adultery, and Thou shalt not lie in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.""When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?""The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other going in opposite directions.""Autograph your work with quality.""There are no rights. There are only privileges.""One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like""The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music""Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist""A joke is a very serious thing""As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything""Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror"

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