Sign in Sign up

Humor Quotes

"I planted some bird seed a bird came up now I don't know what to feed it"

"Some of the worst mistakes in my life were haircuts"

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy."

"I am not gay, although I wish I were just to piss off homophobes"

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

"Room service send up a larger room"

"To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem."

"If you were to try to fail, and you succeed, which have you done?"

"Everyone is entitled to my opinion"

"I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions — the curtain was up."

"I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

"If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?"

"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch on fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"

Previous 15 16 17 18 19 20 Next