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Humor Quotes

"A lot of truth is said in jest"

"There is nothing more precious than laughter and scorn it is strength to laugh and to abandon oneself to be light"

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."

"I don't believe in the afterlife although I am bringing a change of underwear"

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

"Half the people you know are below average."

"Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result."

"I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add"

"There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt."

"My comedy is different every time I do it. I just throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks."

"Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things."

"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."

"We have so much time and so little to do Scratch that reverse it"

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