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Humor Quotes

"There's no store where you can go to buy a laugh."

"There are some important differences between me and Tony Stark, like I have five kids, so I spend more time going to Disneyland than parties."

"Congratulations, you played yourself"

"I re-invented my image so many times that I'm in denial that I was originally an overweight Korean woman."

"An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me"

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals, I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants"

"Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us"

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go"

"A man’s got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book"

"To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks."

"The chances of finding out what is actually going on in the universe are so remote, the only thing to do is hang a sense of humor on it and hope for the best."

"I saw a bank that said "24 Hour Banking," but I don't have that much time."

"I tried being reasonable, I didn't like it."

"This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays."

"Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time"

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