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Humor Quotes

"I liked peanut butter. Peanut butter never got another woman pregnant. Peanut butter never made me cry. Nobody cared if you were photographed in a club with a jar of Jif"

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I'll never know."

"I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious."

"In the beginning the Universe was created This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move"

"If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?"

"If you ever start taking things too seriously, just remember that we are talking monkeys on an organic spaceship flying through the universe."

"A hard man is good to find."

"The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook"

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

"There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable."

"Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage"

"I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away."

"A little foolishness enough to enjoy life, and a little wisdom to avoid the errors, that will do."

"In the end, everything is a gag"

"You know why birds fly upside down over here? Because there ain't nothing worth crapping on."

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