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Jokes Quotes

"There’s only two people in your life you should lie to… the police and your girlfriend."

"Never have more children than you have car windows."

"Different taste in jokes is a great strain on the affections."

"Funny people say funny stuff off the clock."

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."

"If that's a joke, I love it. If not, can't wait to unpack that with you later."

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like 'See if you can blow this out'"

"Jokes? There are no jokes. The truth is the funniest joke of all."

"A lot of truth is said in jest"

"You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes."

"Some people talk in their sleep. Lecturers talk while other people sleep."

"I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them"

"If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?"