Sarcasm Quotes

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting" "An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me" "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific" "If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging the tunnel." "When you’re happy and you know it, fake a smile and don’t show it" "It's true hard work never killed anybody but why take the chance?" "I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park" "Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d want to have dinner with." "Nothing in life is fun for the whole family. There are no massage parlors with ice cream and free jewelry."