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Sarcasm Quotes

"I'm always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don't even take what I am seriously."

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal"

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it"

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five"

"There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?"

"The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit"

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"Before I refuse to take your questions, I have an opening statement"

"When you’re happy and you know it, fake a smile and don’t show it"

"After all, what is a pedestrian? He is a man who has two cars - one being driven by his wife, the other by one of his children"

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

"So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it"

"You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes."

"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway"

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