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Wit Quotes

"I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose"

"Life would be tragic if it weren’t funny."

"Let blockheads read what blockheads wrote"

"A cynic is a man who, when he smells flowers, looks around for a coffin"

"A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men"

"Wit and humor do not reside in slow minds "

"The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket."

"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

"I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it."

"A man told me that for a woman, I was very opinionated. I said, 'For a man, you're kind of ignorant.'"

"I have nothing to declare except my genius."

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."

"Just because you break the fourth wall doesn't make you any smarter than me."

"I drink and I know things"

"Sometimes the funniest thing to say is mean."

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