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Wit Quotes

"How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?"

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork."

"You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes."

"The more I see of humans the more I like horses"

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

"I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk."

"Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider. That's scary."

"To catch a husband is an art; to hold him is a job"

"With my sunglasses on, I'm Jack Nicholson. Without them, I'm fat and 70."

"I used to be Snow White, but I drifted."

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blond jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blond"

"I have nothing but respect for you and not much of that."

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb--and I also know that I'm not blonde"

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