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Wit Quotes

"There is a kind of splendid stupidity"

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

"You know why birds fly upside down over here? Because there ain't nothing worth crapping on."

"I only drink Champagne on two occasions, when I am in love and when I am not"

"I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it."

"I have nothing to declare except my genius"

"Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped."

"He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot."

"I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add"

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go"

"No matter how much I try to be just a normal guy, I can't help but put a joke in there every now and then"

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting"

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal"

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five"

"I'm too good for my own good, I won't leak the album, I'll let it spill"

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