Wit Quotes

"When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?" "I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn’t have to go so fast." "No matter how much I try to be just a normal guy, I can't help but put a joke in there every now and then" "There is a kind of splendid stupidity" "I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." "Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider. That's scary." "I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them" "He is a fool that cannot conceal his wisdom." "Sometimes the funniest thing to say is mean." "Only dull people are brilliant at breakfast." "As empty vessels make the loudest sound, so they that have the least wit are the greatest babblers." "I used to be Snow White, but I drifted." "His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." "I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting"