Wit Quotes

"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." "I must confess, I was born at a very early age." "Words are cheap. The biggest thing you can say is 'elephant'." "Brevity is the soul of wit. " "I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer." "I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal" "I drink and I know things" "I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk." "You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes." "I bought some powdered water but I don't know what to add" "Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was a suspect" "I drink to make other people more interesting" "An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools" "The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it in your back pocket." "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you." "The victory of wit over philosophy always comes down to the victory of meaning over fact. " "From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it." "I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it." "He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot but don't let that fool you. He really is an idiot." "I have nothing to declare except my genius."