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Humor Quotes

"Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing."

"I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I’m in a cabinet meeting"

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that"

"Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards "

"Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing."

"I'm always amazed that people take what I say seriously. I don't even take what I am seriously."

"There is nothing much that marks a man's progress better than a sense of humor"

"I do not want people to be very agreeable, as it saves me the trouble of liking them a great deal"

"Yesterday I was a dog Today I'm a dog Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement"

"My pain may be the reason for somebody's laugh. But my laugh must never be the reason for somebody's pain."

"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening but this wasn't it"

"Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?"

"I feel like, when people are laughing, they're divorcing themselves from the things that make them human"

"If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it."

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