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Humor Quotes

"There is everything to laugh and there is nothing to fear. Laughter has to be our sword to cut all these heads who have been torturing humanity for centuries."

"I don't mind making jokes, but I don't want to look like one "

"Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats."

"What do I know of man's destiny? I could tell you more about radishes."

"Never put off till tomorrow what may be done day after tomorrow just as well."

"I must say that I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book."

"When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane."

"If I asked for a cup of coffee, someone would search for the double meaning."

"The thing about comedy is that if you bring me to a festival, I’ll definitely kill, but if it’s just regular folks, then you’ve got something worth talking about"

"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit"

"Yeah, Zeus! As in, father of Apollo? Mount Olympus? Don't fuck with me or I'll shove a lightning bolt up your ass"

"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex."

"Whatever you see you gotta keep a sense of humor; you gotta be able to smile through all the bullshit"

"Time to make the chimi-f***ing-changas"

"Youth is a wonderful thing. What a crime to waste it on children."

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