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Humor Quotes

"A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be"

"A clergyman is one who feels himself called upon to live without working"

"I think that everyone should get married at least once, so you can see what a silly, outdated institution it is."

"Family is a circus without the tent"

"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."

"Never trust a computer you can't throw out a window."

"I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone."

"Reality is the leading cause of stress among those in touch with it."

"I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer."

"Military justice is to justice what military music is to music."

"You can't just take something, put it in a different context and expect it to be funny"

"Can't talk right now, I'm doing hot girl sh*t"

"I don’t want to go to heaven None of my friends are there"

"If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it. "

"I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose."

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