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Humor Quotes

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good."

"The key to sitcom success is miserable people."

"You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse, about to die from asphyxiation in deep space, that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young."

"I think I would be a good dad. Especially if my kid was a smart-aleck. Because that kid would be my hero."

"When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth."

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow"

"Oh, hello, I know right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?"

"I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member"

"I don’t believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously."

"A wit's a feather, and a chief a rod"

"In Beverly Hills they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows."

"Hold on to your butts"

"There's nothing like deep breaths after laughing that hard. Nothing in the world like a sore stomach for the right reasons"

"The challenge of leadership is to be strong, but not rude; be kind, but not weak; be bold, but not a bully; be thoughtful, but not lazy; be humble, but not timid; be proud, but not arrogant; have humor, but without folly"

"Love - a temporary insanity curable by marriage"

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