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Humor Quotes

"I must confess, I was born at a very early age."

"Two things are bad for the heart—running up stairs and running down people."

"All work and no play is a good way to get to know the janitor on a first name basis"

"Life is far too important a thing ever to talk seriously about."

"I believe in Communism. Rom-communism, that is. If Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan can go through some heartfelt struggles and still end up happy, then so can we."

"Housework, if you do it right, will kill you."

"Opera in English, is about as sensible as baseball in Italian."

"I'm not a serious person, and I don't like serious people."

"I always thought tea was going to taste like hot brown water. And do you know what? I was right."

"Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines."

"When I initially meet people, I say 'I'm sorry'. Because I'm the nut of the group."

"The comic is the perception of the opposite; humor is the feeling of it."

"For a moment, nothing happened. Then, after a second or so, nothing continued to happen."

"There are certain queer times and occasions in this strange mixed affair we call life when a man takes this whole universe for a vast practical joke"

"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women a little bit of support and a little bit of freedom."

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