Humor Quotes

"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There is too much fraternizing with the enemy." "If you go home with somebody, and they don't have books, don't fuck 'em!" "The more I see of humans the more I like horses" "Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so" "Oh, hello, I know right? Whose balls did I have to fondle to get my very own movie?" "Just because you break the fourth wall doesn't make you any smarter than me." "A father is someone who carries pictures where his money used to be" "Yesterday I was a dog Today I'm a dog Tomorrow I'll probably still be a dog Sigh! There's so little hope for advancement" "Many a truth is said in jest" "Family is a circus without the tent" "Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy." "If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it." "One thing they never tell you about child-raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is." "My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car." "I'd rather take coffee than compliments just now."