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Humor Quotes

"I'll do this all day. Or at least until someone's like, 'Okay, there's other things we've got to do.'"

"All generalizations are false, including this one"

"Life is a series of ups and clowns. Make it worth your wild!"

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker"

"Nobody’s ever called me Sir Richard. Occasionally in America, I hear people saying Sir Richard and think there’s some Shakespearean play taking place. But nowhere else anyway."

"I'm not a traditional programmer. I don't even know how to use a computer."

"I only take Viagra when I'm with more than one woman."

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot."

"A man may be a fool and not know it, but not if he is married"

"Don't be humble... you're not that great"

"I worked myself up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty."

"Never argue with an idiot. They will only bring you down to their level and beat you with experience."

"Fourth wall break inside a fourth wall break? That's like... sixteen walls."

"I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me."

"Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh."

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