Humor Quotes

"I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex." "An egotist is a person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me" "Idiot, n. A member of a large and powerful tribe whose influence in human affairs has always been dominant and controlling" "Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure" "Bore, n. A person who talks when you wish" "I'm just a musical prostitute, my dear" "Comedy is a reflection. We create nothing." "Funny people say funny stuff off the clock." "I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific" "The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion and compassion and humor and style." "If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging the tunnel." "Through humor, you can soften some of the pain" "Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect" "Half the people you know are below average" "Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow"