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Humor Quotes

"If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?"

"If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you."

"Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't they'd be married too."

"Half the people you know are below average"

"Jazz is not dead, it just smells funny"

"A sense of humor is a major defense against minor troubles"

"Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV."

"If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near forty"

"No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early."

"Listen, everyone is entitled to my opinion"

"You're in pretty good shape for the shape you are in"

"Since I don't smoke, I decided to grow a mustache - it is better for the health "

"He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of"

"Be strong, believe in freedom and in God, love yourself, understand your sexuality, have a sense of humor, masturbate, don't judge people by their religion, color, or sexual habits, love life and your family"

"I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house"

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