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Humor Quotes

"It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean"

"From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere."

"If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before"

"I'd hate to die twice. It's so boring"

"Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive"

"Comedy is tragedy plus time"

"People always say 'You do racial comedy.' And I don't, exactly. I do cultural comedy. Because race and culture are two different things"

"The world isn't fair. That's why I invented Calvinball"

"I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb--and I also know that I'm not blonde"

"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter"

"Greatest danger in life: taking yourself too seriously."

"I'll say things that are serious and put them in a joke form so people can enjoy them"

"Some people have no idea what they're doing, and a lot of them are really good at it."

"I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park"

"That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it"

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