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Humor Quotes

"You live but once; you might as well be amusing"

"The best part of life is not just surviving, but thriving with passion and compassion and humor and style."

"A banana peel is not funny when you are the one slipping on it"

"Anyone who is elected mayor of a city has a few screws loose."

"The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us"

"Life is tough; and if you have the ability to laugh at it, you have the ability to enjoy it."

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day."

"I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys"

"Marriage is one of the few institutions that allow a man to do as his wife pleases"

"If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging the tunnel."

"People will insist on treating the mons veneris as though it were Mount Everest."

"There are some things so serious you have to laugh at them."

"If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans."

"From the studio that inexplicably sewed his f***ing mouth shut the first time, comes... me!"

"One thing they never tell you about child-raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is."

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