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Humor Quotes

"The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything"

"Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow."

"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information."

"I've never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade"

"Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans"

"Curiosity killed the cat but for a while I was a suspect"

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own"

"Funny people say funny stuff off the clock."

"I think the biggest thing that comedy needs to be is fearless."

"When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home."

"I don't like to lie, so when I do, I try to make it more interesting."

"Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon. I am the first man to piss his pants on the moon. (It was said humorously, so it's less well-known.)"

"I learned to balance desperation with humor"

"This woman is strong, confident, and powerful. Boss, I tell you, I'd hate to see you and Michelle Obama arm wrestle, but I wouldn't be able take my eyes off of it, either."

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