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Humor Quotes

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."

"Nothing is funnier than unhappiness."

"I remain just one thing, and one thing only, and that is a clown. It places me on a far higher plane than any politician."

"I have a very strict gun control policy: if there's a gun around, I want to be in control of it."

"A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use."

"I can't wait until tomorrow because I get better looking every day"

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem."

"Inappropriate humor belongs in the home, behind closed doors."

"I don't believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously."

"My humor is pain in disguise. We laugh to hide the pain."

"I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond."

"My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style."

"An archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have. The older she gets the more interested he is in her"

"Laughter is an instant vacation"

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