Sign in Sign up

Humor Quotes

"So, what's it like in the real world? Well, the food is better, but beyond that, I don't recommend it"

"My philosophy is, it’s always very rewarding when you can make an audience laugh. I don’t mind making fun of myself. I like self-deprecating comedy. But I’d like you to laugh with me occasionally, too."

"I'm so high I could eat a star"

"I thank God I was raised Catholic, so sex will always be dirty"

"Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it."

"If you want to make God laugh tell him about your plans"

"I'm Irish. I think about death all the time."

"I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark."

"There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it."

"Nothing to me feels as good as laughing incredibly hard"

"There's no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting"

"Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid."

"Do not be dead serious about your life. It is just a play."

"There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want"

"You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people and assholes."

Previous 26 27 28 29 30 31 Next