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Humor Quotes

"Listen, smile, agree, and then do whatever you were gonna do anyway"

"I don't know the question, but sex is definitely the answer."

"The more I see of humans the more I like horses"

"To make mistakes is human; to stumble is commonplace; to be able to laugh at yourself is maturity."

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

"Superman don't need no seat belt."

"What will I be doing in twenty years' time? I'll be dead, darling! Are you crazy?"

"My friend has a baby. I'm recording all the noises he makes so later I can ask him what he meant."

"A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong"

"I hate reality but it's still the best place to get a good steak."

"Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions"

"I never forget a face but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception"

"I'm trying to elevate small talk to medium talk."

"Every man is a damn fool for at least five minutes every day; wisdom consists in not exceeding the limit."

"Think about how stupid the average person is, and then realize that half of them are even stupider. That's scary."

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